广州学校

      雅思小作文批改实例

　　Some people think that the govenment should ban dangerous sports, but others think that people should have the freedom to choose sports activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

　　Recent years extreme sports has(主谓一致，这里改为have) been popular among the public, especially the young (among the youth)as they are enthusistic (注意拼写enthusiastic) about adventure and something challenging. Although these sports enrich people s life, some still contend that the govemment should ban

all of them considering that how dangerous they might be.

　　Being obsessed by(注意固定搭配be obsessed with,这里改为with) heavy work-， load, people of course deserve to choose any sports activities that can help

the(them) relieve stress in spare time. Since people can hardly be satisfhed with regular activities such as playing bedminton (注 意拼写，badminton), tennis and basketball, they are likely to choose dangerous ones including bungee

　　jumping and rock climbing. Rock climbing needs participants to be fully con-cerntrate (两个动词，去掉be,注意concentrate拼写), which can pull them out of

the work and add stimulation to life. Besides, few incidents on extreme sports have ever happend (注意拼写，happened)as there are well- -equiped (注意拼写，well-equipped) facllities and well-trained coaches.

　　On the other hand, it is reasonable for the goverment to restrict risky sports,First of all, these is still a chance to get injured by attending these sports.

Either people themselves are responsibile for the consequences of regardless- -ness or the government have to invest money to improve medical system. (想表

达什么?读不通)Another reason for the government to take such actions is out of duty. Only in this way can it warn the public to treasure their life so that they can have plenty of time to truly experience it.

　　To conclude, people are free to enjoy different sorts of sports for they need to relax and build up their body. Despite that, the government should ban thosethat are perilous for the sake of safety. (需要写自己的观点，而不是简单的总结前面所提到的点)

　　TR6.0+ CC6.0 + V5.0 + G6.0 = 06.0

　　问题:

　　观点，逻辑，语法问题都不大，但是整篇文章的拼写问题太多，会给考官留

　　下不太好的印象。除此之外，表达还需更精炼。

　　建议:写完以后多花点时间检查拼写问题，多看范文，积累优秀的表达。